I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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