I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
