Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It was confusing and full of hummus
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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