Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
