You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
