Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
