The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
