i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
