dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
