I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
