In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
