I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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