you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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