He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
