Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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