i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
