i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
