One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
