My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He keeps bees of course he's weird
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
