Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
