I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
