It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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