woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
