You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
