Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
