It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
