Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
