I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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