Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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