But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
