i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
