i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
