I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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