Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
