Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
