I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
