what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
