she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
