Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
