Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
