i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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