You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
