Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
