I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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