i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
