this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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