The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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