i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
