I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Green mimosas i think yes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
