apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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