Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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