After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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