He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
