Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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