I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
