i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
